Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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