oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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