i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have aggressive nipples.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
