my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
