I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
