Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
