I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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