I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize