so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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