Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
