if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
