he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
