my mouth tastes like poor choices
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
