im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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