yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
