well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
