went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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