I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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