Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
