ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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