if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
