You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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