I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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