Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
