Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
