two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
