Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
