im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
