she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
