the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
