there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
