So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
