Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
