You're my little dorito
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have post one night stand depression
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
