Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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