I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
