i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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