Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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