Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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