The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
