happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
