I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
