phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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