He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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