do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
