And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
