Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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