My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
