ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
