How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
