Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
