We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
