I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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