We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
