video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
