you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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