It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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