I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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