oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
