i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
