But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
