oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
