I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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