Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
