We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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