I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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