My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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