if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
